My Fourth Principle: Look For Good
One of my favorite short stories:
There was once an elderly and wise gentleman who lived in a village. He would often spend his days sitting in the shade of a big tree in the center of the village, reading books and talking to passersby. One day, a traveler came upon his village and stopped and said, “Old man, I have been traveling across the countryside, and I have seen many things and met many people. Can you tell me what kind of people I will find in your village?”
The elderly gentleman looked up at him and replied, “Certainly I can, but first tell me what kind of people you have found on your travels.”
The traveler scowled and said, “Old man, I have met people who cheat, steal, and aren’t kind to strangers, and people who don’t look out for one another.”
The elderly gentleman looked up and, with a faint look of sadness in his eyes, said, “Oh my friend, those are the people you will find in my village.” The traveler kicked the dirt under his feet, scoffed, and marched off towards the village.
By and by, as the elderly gentleman continued to enjoy his day, another traveler came walking through the village. Once again, the traveler stopped and asked, “Please kind sir, I have been traveling across the countryside, and I have seen many things and met many people. Can you tell me what kind of people I will find in your village?” The elderly gentleman said, “Certainly I can, but first tell me what kind of people you have found in your travels.”
he traveler replied, “I have found people who are kind and welcoming of strangers, people who care for one another, and people who love. These are the people I have met in my travels.”
The elderly gentleman looked up and, with the faintest smile in his eyes, said, “My friend, those are the people you will find in my village.”
You might think that this is just a simple folk tale, but there has actually been research that supports this kind of thinking. In a famous study, elementary school teachers were told that some of their students were unusually gifted based on an IQ test. Those students then showed higher IQs at the end of the study. Makes sense, right? The catch is that the initial set of "gifted" students was actually chosen at random. The fact that the teachers thought that the students were gifted led the teachers to support those students more and resulted in those students overachieving compared to the other students. This phenomenon is known as the Pygmalion effect - where higher expectations lead to improved performance compared to what you might expect.
If you look for the negative in others, you will find it. If you look for the positive in others, you will find it. It can be difficult to remain positive in the face of cynicism but it really does pay off in the long term. That is why looking for the good in all things is one of my principles.